Rethinking Sainthood

Recently, a book of Mother Teresa's letters was published. These letters were those she wrote to her superior and confessors during her decades of service. The publishing of these very candid letters has caused quit a stir both inside and outside of the Church. A good portion of her words describe the perpetual distance she felt from God. Certainly the atheists community will point to her writings as just another example of the fabrication of faith and religion that humankind has created. And those within the church ,trying to mediate her very strong statements of doubt and uncertainly, have used her writings to demonstrate how virtuous she was as a servant of God. I think both of the arguments miss the point. So here are my thoughts.

I think Mother Teresa did some pretty amazing things in her life. I don't think many would disagree that she was probably the leading crusader against poverty of our time. Her impact was great and this shouldn't be dismissed. However, her stance on family planning was counter- intuitive to much of her good works. To refute the use of contraceptive by women seems ignorant and downright harmful to millions of women and children alike. But this is my point. Just like us average humans, Mother Teresa is a mixed bag. She had the capacity for great good but also the capacity to negatively impact the world, and in my view, she acted in both respects.

So back to these letters and their significance. As someone who believes in God and considers myself a pretty devoted Christian, I also have an incredibly amount of doubt. And while I don't struggle most with the existential question of the existence of God, I do struggle with the question of God's role in a world of human suffering. The silence of God, which I often feel, is what gives me the most pause.

Although I do not have a window into Mother Teresa's soul, the doubts and fears she raises in her letters seem to reflect the same questions. For me, her letters in many respects are a relief. I don't look at her as an impostor or a hypocrite, but someone who had the capacity to question while still managing to live a remarkably giving life. I wonder if she was more public about her doubts and feelings of abandonment, if she would even be up for sainthood. My guess is, she probably wouldn't be. And this is what is so tragic about these letters; not the doubt she expressed but those that would dismiss both her faith and authenticity because of those doubts. For me, God is big enough for our doubts, fears and the very real emptiness that comes in believing in a loving God.